Float Trip

Well friends, the calendar is telling us that it’s early Spring, which is a time of year I generally love; baseball and cycling seasons start up, the days get longer, I can open my bedroom windows at night and hear the breeze stir the magnolia out front…my moonroof opens and lets in a wind which cools instead of freezes…the aforementioned magnolia tree explodes in shades of pink which then rain down on my front lawn, causing me to blog about it and make my readers question my sexuality…and summer is right around the corner, of course.

But that’s just what the calendar is telling us. And while baseball and cycling seasons are just starting, and the days are getting longer and my bedroom windows are open at night, the hot air coming in my moonroof, the browning magnolia petals on the lawn and the thermometer tell us a different story. They tell us that Summer is upon us. Or, rather, they’re telling us that if it’s Spring already, brace yourself for one hell of a nasty hot Summer.

Hot weather, I can mostly handle. My car does have a/c, as does the house and my office. I own shorts and sandals and t-shirts and the ice cream truck comes down my block at least once every other day during the months of June through August. But there are certain things I like to do in the summer which involve being outside, you know, where there is no air conditioning as a rule, and I’d like to be able to do those a) without collapsing from heat stroke and b) alongside my wife who is, as I mentioned before, pregnant, and who is therefore likely to be extra sensitive to things like heat indices firmly ensconced in the triple digit range.

One of my favorite ways to cool off on a hot day is to indulge in a cold treat. I believe I have mentioned before how I adore Fitz’s Root Beer, a locally brewed root beer of which I had cases shipped to me when I lived in Minneapolis. And fortunately for me, Fitz’s is sold at the local grocery stores around here, so even in the middle of a ridiculously hot night, if my wife (or I) start craving it, I can run to Schnucks or Shop n’ Save and pick up a 4 pack. Of course, if we start craving it during regular business hours, we could always run to the restaurant where the root beer is brewed and pick up a frosty bottomless mug or a heaping root beer float.

Of course another way to cool off is to go to Ted Drewe’s, which serves up some of the best Frozen Custard around (and the best Frozen Custard on Route 66, I should assert). They’ve got so many flavors to choose from, I still haven’t tried them all (and the combinations, OH! the combinations!!). They even serve up a great float, which makes you believe their vanilla custard was engineered specifically for such a purpose. It’s that good. And if they’re closed, again, I can pick some up at the grocery store.

Now, there is a travesty in St. Louis when it comes to these two items; I have yet to find a restaurant that serves a Fitz’s Root Beer/Ted Drewe’s root beer float. To that I say, “What the hell, St. Louis? This is a serious problem we need to solve right away.” Look; when you go to Fitz’s, they serve you up a root beer float made with their amazing root beer and a very generous helping of Edy’s or Breyer’s ice cream (I can’t remember which, but I know it’s one of those). Really, Fitz’s? I mean, I guess it’s not generic Sam’s Club ice cream, but still. And at Ted Drewe’s, when you order your float, you get Barq’s Root Beer. And I guess, I could give these two places some leeway; Fitz’s chooses an ice cream that everybody can get their hands on, so they know what it tastes like with other root beers and they can tell the difference between other root beers in a float and theirs in a float. And it works the other way for Ted Drewe’s; everyone who’s had a root beer float has probably had a scoop of vanilla in a Barq’s root beer, so give them that familiar root beer with the unique floating mound of frozen custard. But…you other places? What’s your excuse? There are plenty of restaurants in St. Louis which offer Fitz’s Root Beer on their menus, and just as many serve Ted Drewe’s with their desserts. But the places I can think of that serve both do not serve them together (these are mostly places like Blues City Deli or Mom’s Deli which serve both of these in individual containers out of stand-up coolers). But think of it; this is the ultimate St. Louis dessert. The only way to get a more ultimate St. Louis dessert out of a frosted glass mug would be to liquefy a Gooey Butter Cake, and raise your hand if you think that sounds satisfying (Dad, you and your brothers need to put your hands down right now). Now, I have not been to every restaurant in St. Louis, so maybe there is a place that serves this amazing concoction (so amazing, it makes a cynical atheist like myself admit that if Heaven exists, it probably tastes something like a Fitz’s/Ted Drewe’s Float), but I haven’t found one. The only way I have ever been able to enjoy one of these is to purchase the two items separately and combine them at home. And you should try it, yourself. Right now. Don’t live in St. Louis? Come visit, and I’ll join you. Because nobody likes to drink alone, even if it is a root beer float.