Sunday, September 28, 2008

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Ressurection: Your Questions Answered, Volume 6

From Your Questions Answered, Volume 5, November 4 2007:

Molly asked:
Where did I go wrong?

Come on, I'm going to answer this publicly?

From The Story Behind the Madness, November 13 2007

alf asked:
Did you get an extended warranty on this one as well?

Nope...and I haven't needed it. I think I'm being more careful with this one.

Gerald asked:
Did someone say apple?

Because the old one was a Sony, this one had to be a Sony, too.

From Well…, November 15 2007

Becca asked:
You’re going to MN for thanksgiving?

I did, in fact, go to MN for Thanksgiving.

From Lord I Was Born A Ramblin’ Man…, November 20 2007

alf asked:
It’s the little things, right?


Lisa asked:
If you’re fat, what am I?

No comment, that's what.

From I Promise a Real Update Soon…, December 13 2007

Becca asked:
Hey, when do you find out about the results of the 3 day novel contest? It's coming up soon, correct?

I didn't win. And it was coming up soon.

From Year End Roundup…Coming Soon…, December 28 2007

Annie asked:
Uh, hi?
If the U.S. is ready for it and that is the candidate that has proven themselves qualified and able, what kind of statement would this country be making if they put another white male in just 'cause someone on the other side of the world thinks it's okay to beat up blacks or demand a sandwich from their wives?

I think the real question should be, if the world's not ready for the US to have a black president, what's with South Africa? If the world's not ready for the US to have a female head of state, what's with Margaret Thatcher? I think whoever said this just didn't want a black person or a woman to win. And shame on them for that.

Lisa asked:
If you want big ears, do you think Prince Charles would consider presidential candidacy?? ;)

He's not exactly eligible, being a British citizen and royalty and all. And really, it's not the big ears I like about Dennis Kucinich.

Becca asked:
What about Pippin?

Excuse me?

What is this b.s. about whether or not the world is ready for a black man or a woman (who cares what colour she is. Hell, I think purple would be nice) to be the leader of the US?

See above.

You know what the rest of the world will say?

"About Bloody Time!"

er, far Pacific?

er, what?

From Why I Haven’t Been Blogging, January 4 2008:

marty/bridget asked:
did you see the group of writers on letterman delivering the top ten demands of the striking writers?

Yes. It was hilarous. All those long months ago.

From More on the Strike, January 9 2008:

Gerald asked:


Marty/bridget asked: wedding funeral beard...what's with this guy?'d have to ask him.

Becca asked:
Elliot, have you ever heard of Movember?

No, but I bet you're going to tell me about it now!

Wait - can I say the word 'pubes' on a blog?

I think you just did. Twice.

From Post 130, January 14 2008

Molly asked:
How did you get so wise?

Brain implants.

Mcgrath asked:
Maybe you could submit the blog for the 2007 365 day blog writer?

But then I would have to have blogged more consistently. Yes?

From In Response to the Most Recent poll on my blog, January 31 2008

Molly asked:
where is the Obama Rally being held this Saturday night? and what time?

Oh man, this was so long ago...

And Who is Jerry anyway?

a friend of mine from Target.

Jerry asked:
wait. are you under water yourself during the weaving?

As I understand it, yes. You take scuba diving first as a prerequisite (or present your certification to the instructor) and then you weave.

From An Announcement, February 2 2008

Becca asked:
How about your policies for how foreigner's are treated in airports?

No more airports. We're taking trains everywhere from now on. Or boats.

Marty/bridget asked:
what's up with that?

With what?

Lisa asked:
got a running mate?

Gerald has not yet committed. So no, but I want you to be my speech writer.

From Addressing the Issues, February 3 2008

Annie asked:
Can I be VP?

If Gerald says no, yes.

From Further Policy Information, February 5 2008

Annie asked:
Do you remember in the 04 debates when John Kerry explained in his personal life he was pro-life but in his political life he was pro-choice and after the debates a plethora of people proclaimed they didn't understand Kerry's stance on abortion?

Yes. Yes I do.

Molly asked:
dare I use the V word?... in your values?


What more could a mother ask for?

A massage and a drink. Every night.

Anybody have any suggestions for a label for me?

[evil cackling]

did I really just ask people to suggest a label for me on a blog site?

Yes. Yes you did.

Mgk asked:
Don't you have homework? and a job?

I think it's pretty obvious that I don't.

From The Unfinished (and also unstarted) Play, February 9 2008:

Marty/bridget asked:
have you seen "great moments in presidential speeches" on letterman?

Yes. I love me some Letterman.

From Laying it On the Line, February 27 2008

Marty/bridget asked:
how's the play coming along? do we get a sneek preview?

It's done. And it already happened. And I posted the video.

From Surfacing Update and a New link, March 1 2008

Annie asked:
You only had TEN people show up for auditions?

Sad, right?

From You Think You know Webster University, March 14 2008:

Molly asked:
But then, maybe they're not there anymore??

They are. There are less of them.

I wonder whose backyard they ended up in?

They just got removed.

Has anyone checked the Roundy’s backyard?

Probably the Roundys did before they moved.

Annie asked:
And... do people really do ANYTHING in "the quad?"

Yes. They shoot films for Intro to Media Production, play frisbee and the Jockocracy plays football.

Becca asked:
Have you been reading my blog yet?


Christopher G asked:
Going from Edwyn McCain to The Roots?


From An update, April 1 2008

Molly asked:
How in god's name did you get this way?

You raised me.

Annie asked:
Now, is John Richter really not in your plan?

He really was not in my play. He was supposed to be, but the director never told him he was, and then she quit. Oh well. Life went on.

From We Are (Almost) Back in Business, May 13 2008:

Becca asked:
But Fiona Apple...??? Did you mean Ani Difranco?

Fine, whatever. Ani, Apple, it's relatively all the same.

From In Time for my Sesquicentennial Post…, May 15 2008:

Molly asked:
Who did you model her character after?

Stereotypes. And Grandma.

From Giving up the…Golf?, May 27 2008

Molly asked:
What I want to know is, how good of a golfer was he anyway?

Who cares?

mGk asked:
What would all my country club buddies think? mean the ones you used to see when you took the girls you nannied for to their country club? Or that group of friends we had in high school who all worked at the country club?

From Return of the Blog Guy, June 23 2008:

Molly asked:

Why not?

Marty/bridget asked:
here's a question for you...why is it that i cannot leave your blog by hitting the back arrow?

Why are you leaving my blog, anyway?

From An Open Letter to the Theater-Going Public of St. Louis, June 25 2008:

Bridget asked:
jeez elliot...don't you know those 9-to-5-ers have a long drive home?

Don't they know how rude they are?

Annie asked:
Don't people understand it's not like leaving a baseball game in the 8th?

How must those ball players feel during that 8th inning mass exodus...I mean, it's like they're only at the game for the overpriced beer.

Becca asked:
people left early? Was it bad or something? Maybe they had to get home to watch something supremely more entertaining on TV?

Yes. This is apparently a St. Louis tradition.

From Tuesday Excerpt, and an Apology, July 1 2008:

Molly asked:
Remind us of the info you want for free write Fridays... is it Character Name, age, gender, situation? Or... what?

Character, situation, and fiction/play.

From Strictly Enforced, July 3 2008:

Becca asked:
WAit... Are you saying you pluck your eyebrow??

No. I manscape with wax.

Molly asked:
Lord... she was waxing while driving!?

To be fair, she was stopped at a light.

From Time Got Away From Me, July 12 2008:

Becca asked:
Was your grandma's name Opal, btw?

Just Opal. Not Opal BTW.

Well, did you see the photo I found for MY first name?

Yes. Yes I did.

mGk asked:
Ok, not even a reference to where you got this glorious idea?


From A Late Tuesday Excerpt, July 15 2008:

Bridget asked:
what'dya think?

About what?

From I Know It’s Been Two Weeks, But…, July 29 2008:

Molly asked:
What do I get if I sign it?

You get to participate in a Democracy.

From Signs that the Housing Market is Worse than you thought…, July 29 2008:

Molly asked:
When does school start?

It started.

mGk asked:
When will the insanity end?

Which insanity do you mean? The economy, or mine?

Themurderhour asked:
Isn’t that a Maine Prison property?

It, in fact, is.

From mGk Threw Down Two Gauntlets…, July 31 2008

Gerald asked:
That's a bad habit? Where else are you supposed to put them?

When you get married, it turns into a bad habit. I guess you're supposed to put them some place out of the way.

How did they manage to get your respect in the first place?

With a little tune called "Dream On."

Sorry To Let You Down...and Tuesday Excerpt...and Promise of a New Feature, August 19 2008

Lisa asked:
What happens on the date... come on?!?!?!

No, see, you missed the have to infer what happens on the date. The conflict is that here's Quentin, trying to reconnect with his ex-girlfriend, with whom he is still secretly in love, and here come his best friends Colin and Amy to throw a funeral for the ex, because they know he's not over her and want him to move on, but of course they are unaware that she is coming over. And hilarity is supposed to then ensue. You're not supposed to be ?!?!?! level curious about what happens next.

From Video Blog-Olympics, Procrastination, and the Running Mate Text Message, August 20 2008:

Bridget asked:
Who’s Michael Phelps?

Some guy who broke some sort of record or something.

From The Importance of M... September 6 2008:

Bridget asked:
Why don't you close the garage door?

I guess I forgot to mention that we had a quarter-ton iron sink that we were trying to sell, and I didn't want to drag that out of the garage unless I knew it was going to be sold. But I wanted people to be able to see it. That's why.

Well, folks, there you go. Not exactly a substantive blog, but it's long. You gotta give me that one.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

The Importance of the M. And Hemingway. And a note on Garage Sales.

Whenever I put my name on something, I always use my middle initial. There is a reason for this.

You see, I feel that the sum of all of one's origins, roots, and experiences is what makes that person who he or she is. So that means that you are who you are because of what happened that first day of high school, that last day of Kindergarten, your mixed heritage background, your Catholic mother and Buddhist father.

So even though my last name is a good solid German last name, and my father's family was likely 100% German (although to hear my grandmother tell it, she was German/French/Native American/Peruvian/Mexican/Estonian and, yes, even a little Asian and Black), I can't negate the fact that my mother's family is equally 100% Irish (aside from the Look of the Spaniard we've all got about us; the whole Spanish Armada/Iberian Myth thing which makes me Black Irish). So, not only do I have a solid German last name, I've got an equally if not even more solid Irish middle name. So I can't ignore it. Hence everything I write, and every time I sign my name, the M gets thrown in the middle.

Now some may ask (and some have asked) why I don't do the whole middle name. just takes up too much room. I mean, my first name already has six letters in it. Then there's eight for my last name. I don't really have room for seven more letters. All of a sudden, I'm taking up way too much room.

So the M is a compromise. It's a nod to where I've come from. To people who have supported me. To the grandfather I never met but whom I resemble (maybe I'll post a side-by-side some day, if I think of it). The M completes me. When I put the M, that means you're getting the whole of me.

From the whole of me, I go to the tip of the iceberg. Namely, Hemingway.

Have you ever read any Hemingway? I mean, really read it? If not, I highly suggest you pick up a copy of The Nick Adams Stories. Not only for your reading pleasure, but also for an introduction to Hemingway himself. The stories were written throughout his career, at different times and out of sequence. But when strung together they tell the story of Nick Adams, one of Hemingway's alter egos, from a young boy to a former WWI soldier. He writes stories about childhood, the war, fishing. The fishing stories are amazing, especially "Big Two-Hearted River." Think of it as a metaphor for writing and it becomes even more amazing. When you're done with that, pick up The Sun Also Rises for some of the best dialogue ever published.

Okay, and finally, this is kind of like an open letter to the Garage Sale crowd...if you're at a garage sale, please keep this in mind; if it doesn't have a price tag on it, it's probably not for sale. If all the stuff in front of the garage has price tags on it, and there's a table in the entrance to the garage that is hard to get around to get into the garage, where there are no price tags, it's likely that nothing in the garage is for sale. So, basically, take a look at the computer monitor and the bedframe and the light table and the ping-pong table outside the garage, but take your eyes off my lawnmower and don't ask me how much for my bicycle. It's NOT FOR SALE. That's why it's BEHIND ME IN THE GARAGE and DOES NOT HAVE A PRICE TAG. And even though the card table is sitting outside the garage, that's so I have some place to sit. It's not for sale either. And neither is my laptop. It's mine. Not for sale. No price tag. And I'm using it. Do you see me using the ping-pong table? No. That's because it's for sale. Do you see me reading those books over there? No. That's because they're for sale. The copy of The Sun Also Rises that I'm reading? Not for sale. The computer? NOT FOR SALE. Now go away.